The 11th - 2 Month Birthday

Emery Hope would have been 2 months old today. 

OUCH! 

That's a hard pill to swallow. 

She should be 2 months old... but technically, she should still be in my stomach growing and thriving not already here and gone. WHY?! 

I miss her sweet self. 

Makenzi came home from school today and brought me a book she had written about her sister. It was precious. It was heartbreaking, but it's a way she is coping. She draws pictures all the time and she has took to writing notes and now books about her sister. She knows we miss her. In all reality, she misses her about like I do. Makenzi prayed hard for her sister before she was even in my stomach. If you could see Makenzi with a baby doll, you would know that she is so good with babies. She wanted a baby to love so bad. I was so happy we were going to be able to give that to her. We did, but we just didn't get to love her long enough - here. 

On hard days, if I can, I get up and do as much as possible. I keep myself busy. I cleaned our house like a crazy woman. It was needed but I stayed busy. 

Jordan got home from work tonight & we went out to eat. After we ate, we went to get some things for me to decorate Emery's grave spot! WOW! That's so hard to think about... I am going to be decorating her area at the cemetery for us. She's supposed to be here!!! 

You guys losing her has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. Grief is crazy. One day I am smiling and the next I'm crying my eyes out. 

The song Homesick by Mercy Me is perfect. Listen to it - "I've Never Been More Homesick Than NOW." Heaven is our forever home and I can't wait to be there one day a long time from now, BUT I can't wait to be there more so now than ever. There's a perfect angel up there waiting for her Mama. I know she isn't missing us - how could you in a place as perfect as that?! But how I wish sometimes she could miss us because my heart breaks in a million pieces because of how much I miss her. 

Makenzi & I even discussed that today - if we could just see her and see where she is at, we wouldn't wish her back here. We would long to be with her even more. I just have to continue to Thank God for the fact that we don't have to say goodbye. We will one day all be together again. Rejoicing in Heaven! What a wonderful day that will be! 

We had to buy sunglasses at Dollar Tree tonight - and the girls insisted on wearing them while we were out. So, I had to snap pictures and then Addison insisted on me wearing them in a picture with her.