Memories

Do you guys ever go through your Facebook memories and looked at memories from the years past? 

It makes me realize how much has changed. 

Today I checked my memories... and it was the day we announced we were pregnant with Addison 5 years ago. 

That comes with mixed emotions... I am so happy and so thankful for my sweet, healthy (or semi-healthy right now - sickness be gone) but I wonder why I was able to just announce the day I found out I was pregnant with Addison and then when I announced we were pregnant with Emery back in August it was problem after problem. 

Why did I carry 2 baby girls full term with minor high blood pressure in the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy? And then.... on my 3rd precious baby girl I couldn't hardly carry her from the get go. It was constant problems and then starting in November it was in and out of the hospital, bedrest, water breaking, infections, throwing up, etc. I will never understand that. 

However, I am reminded when I look at all of my memories just how precious life is. How blessed we are. Yes, we have had some of the worst possible cards dealt lately but we are blessed. In all reality, we are blessed that we had Emery. She taught us so much in the pregnancy and the time in the NICU and even in her death. 

I never in a million years thought I would spend time in a cemetery to spend time with my baby girl. I can sit out there and talk to her... and I'm just staring at the ground. I am staring and rubbing DIRT and GRASS! But for some reason it gives me comfort. Is that weird? 

But needless to say, my Facebook memories bring me joy some days. Next year my Facebook memories through this valley in my life probably won't bring me much joy, but bring my grief back. 

It's amazing how much my girls have grown, how much Jordan & me have changed, and just how life is so much different now than it was even 5 years ago. Today, I will be so thankful for all the memories I have and in some crazy way thankful for Facebook for showing me those memories.