I took a little break for a few days with writing...
I had a bad week last week. I guess when you lose something as precious as your child, bad weeks happen. I don't even know where it came from. I just know I couldn't control it. I felt the hurt all over.
I've enjoyed just being with my big girls and Jordan through the weekend (that's a blog post for another day - it was fun!!!).
They help me cope as much as humanly possible. Emery is still always in my mind. I will miss her until the day I die.
I think of her and I watch other Mama's enjoying their babies - no matter how old - newborn, infant, toddler - and I think of all I am missing.
God's plan! It's better than mine.... But tell me how it's better.
People say she's in a better place - tell me a better place than my arms.
People say she's happier - tell me I couldn't have made her happy here.
It's words that people try to use to comfort me. I am in no way saying they're wrong, but for a grieving mother of a baby whose life didn't even get started good, they aren't comforting because I long for her to be here. Have your arms ever ached for the baby you we're never able to hold until her dying day?
It's something no one can understand until you go through it.
But... I have had some good days the last few days.
Makenzi has made us laugh our heads off with her new alter ego Cledus!!! It is absolutely hilarious. I will post a video of it.
Addison never stops making us laugh or telling us how much she loves us.
Jordan always try to take care of me even when he doesn't quite understand my grieving will never be completely gone. He has made sure I've had the best time over the weekend and that I was happy.
Thank you Lord for my precious family! Thank you for allowing us to be together! Thank you for pink sunsets even On rainy days so we know our Emery Hope is ok! I will get through this with the Lord on my side.
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