Angie Smith has brought me comfort in many ways. I've read her book I Will Carry You about losing her baby. It helped me a lot. It made me realize I am not alone in this journey. Many people have gone before me and will go after me. I am trying to cope and maybe my journey can help others as her journey has helped me.
Some days seem hard.... very hard! It seems the last few days or even week have been the worst for me. I am always at the verge of tears. I am always at my breaking point. I just cry constantly. I miss my sweet girl so much. It hurts more now.
I am here to tell you this - it is very easy to praise Jesus in the good days, but it is hard to praise Jesus in the bad days. But I've managed somehow to do it.
I've been reading Angie Smith's What Women Fear before I fall asleep each night. The other night I was on the chapter "Appointed/ Fear of God's Plan For My Life." WOW! That's kind of a scary place to be. I am fearful of that. How much worse can it get?
One of the plans in my life was losing my precious baby girl. I won't understand that. EVER! There are days I am so mad... and days I cry out to God "WHY??? WHY ME??" and there are days I just can't thank Him enough for allowing me to be Emery Hope's Mama. I get to continue to share my precious 1 pound miracle who brought many people to their knees and brought HOPE to many.
No, God didn't work a miracle in my sweet Emery like I begged of Him, but I am still giving him the glory.
Angie Smith speaks of the story of Jonah and how God provided the fish that swallowed up Jonah. He didn't do it to harm Jonah, He did it to rescue him.
She states:
"He knew Jonah's heart, so He did something drastic, something epic, something that to the naked eye looks like a tragedy, and He used it for His glory."
You guys! You don't know how much that spoke to me.
"So I said 'I have been expelled from Your sight. Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple." Jonah 2:4
I want to look toward Your holy temple, even in hard times. I don't want to ever look away.
God's plan is always better than ours, so I will praise You in this storm. I will always trust You and I will always seek You and only You! I miss my baby girl more than words can even express... but I know she's safe in the arms of Jesus. Now my journey must continue without her... I must continue to glorify Him. I must continue to be the daughter of the King. I must continue to tell Emery's story and continue to always bring Him the glory.
Is it easy??? NO WAY!!! There are days I am so mad and so hurt! How could He do this to me? I'm a good Mama. Was I not good enough? I'm always putting my husband and my kids before me. I work hard to make sure they are all well taken care. Was it not good enough? What reasoning is there for me to go through the storm?
One day... in heaven when I'm able to ask Him, the answer won't matter. I will run to His arms... I will worship Him at His feet and then I will meet my Baby Emery with Arms wide open! My heaven just got sweeter. I can't wait to be in the presence of my Lord. I can't wait to be there with my other family members and my sweet Emery! Oh the things I've missed out getting to do with her... we will be able to do it all on the streets of Gold! How glorious will that day be?!?! Oh I long for it!
But for now... I will praise Him! I will continue to worship Him! I will continue to trust HIM in that HIS PLAN is not OURS! I will continue to just get closer and closer to Him. Nothing like losing your sweet baby that draws you closer to the Lord! He brings me comfort that no one else can.
On the hard days... I look to Him more. Today... I've cried my eyes out so much that my head hurts. My sweet Addison has pneumonia again.... Makenzi has some kind of ear trouble making her so dizzy... It's just been a day! So, I've read my bible a lot. I've studied. I've read my Angie Smith book. I've done devotions. And I've cried and I've slept! I need it!!!
"O, my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love." Pslam 59:17
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2
God be with me. I know He is. I will continue to praise Him through the storm. Don't you worry! I will live my life for HIM, so one day I can see Him & praise HIM at his feet!
Some days seem hard.... very hard! It seems the last few days or even week have been the worst for me. I am always at the verge of tears. I am always at my breaking point. I just cry constantly. I miss my sweet girl so much. It hurts more now.
I am here to tell you this - it is very easy to praise Jesus in the good days, but it is hard to praise Jesus in the bad days. But I've managed somehow to do it.
I've been reading Angie Smith's What Women Fear before I fall asleep each night. The other night I was on the chapter "Appointed/ Fear of God's Plan For My Life." WOW! That's kind of a scary place to be. I am fearful of that. How much worse can it get?
One of the plans in my life was losing my precious baby girl. I won't understand that. EVER! There are days I am so mad... and days I cry out to God "WHY??? WHY ME??" and there are days I just can't thank Him enough for allowing me to be Emery Hope's Mama. I get to continue to share my precious 1 pound miracle who brought many people to their knees and brought HOPE to many.
No, God didn't work a miracle in my sweet Emery like I begged of Him, but I am still giving him the glory.
Angie Smith speaks of the story of Jonah and how God provided the fish that swallowed up Jonah. He didn't do it to harm Jonah, He did it to rescue him.
She states:
"He knew Jonah's heart, so He did something drastic, something epic, something that to the naked eye looks like a tragedy, and He used it for His glory."
You guys! You don't know how much that spoke to me.
"So I said 'I have been expelled from Your sight. Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple." Jonah 2:4
I want to look toward Your holy temple, even in hard times. I don't want to ever look away.
God's plan is always better than ours, so I will praise You in this storm. I will always trust You and I will always seek You and only You! I miss my baby girl more than words can even express... but I know she's safe in the arms of Jesus. Now my journey must continue without her... I must continue to glorify Him. I must continue to be the daughter of the King. I must continue to tell Emery's story and continue to always bring Him the glory.
Is it easy??? NO WAY!!! There are days I am so mad and so hurt! How could He do this to me? I'm a good Mama. Was I not good enough? I'm always putting my husband and my kids before me. I work hard to make sure they are all well taken care. Was it not good enough? What reasoning is there for me to go through the storm?
One day... in heaven when I'm able to ask Him, the answer won't matter. I will run to His arms... I will worship Him at His feet and then I will meet my Baby Emery with Arms wide open! My heaven just got sweeter. I can't wait to be in the presence of my Lord. I can't wait to be there with my other family members and my sweet Emery! Oh the things I've missed out getting to do with her... we will be able to do it all on the streets of Gold! How glorious will that day be?!?! Oh I long for it!
But for now... I will praise Him! I will continue to worship Him! I will continue to trust HIM in that HIS PLAN is not OURS! I will continue to just get closer and closer to Him. Nothing like losing your sweet baby that draws you closer to the Lord! He brings me comfort that no one else can.
On the hard days... I look to Him more. Today... I've cried my eyes out so much that my head hurts. My sweet Addison has pneumonia again.... Makenzi has some kind of ear trouble making her so dizzy... It's just been a day! So, I've read my bible a lot. I've studied. I've read my Angie Smith book. I've done devotions. And I've cried and I've slept! I need it!!!
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2
God be with me. I know He is. I will continue to praise Him through the storm. Don't you worry! I will live my life for HIM, so one day I can see Him & praise HIM at his feet!
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