Friday Favorites

I'm linking up with Erika today over on A Little Bit of Everything. 

I've had a few favorite moments this week - 

On Father's Day I was looking through my wedding pictures because unfortunately the only pictures I have of my Dad and me are on my wedding day. Shame!

He always makes me laugh. This picture I was laughing because I had just realized as we were walking to Jordan I had forgotten my bouquet. There is no telling what he was telling me in this picture but it's priceless. 

Then I had to look at a few of Jordan and me. 

This is my FAVORITE of our wedding pics. Walking hand in hand on the beach, talking, and laughing at no telling what! He's a laugh a minute and I'm so thankful for him! He is my FAVORITE!

And this picture still describes Jordan and me - we both cracked up when we looked at it! Oh I love that man of mine! 

PINK SUNSETS are always my FAVORITE! My sweet Emery Hope is always showing us she's watching over us. She happened to show up on Father's Day this year (just like she showed up for me on Mother's Day!). I told her Daddy to look outside, she was wishing him a Happy Father's Day, too. We went by her grave to make sure her solar lights were working and I snapped this picture! 

My Nanny bought Emery Hope some beautiful flowers for 4th of July, so we had to go decorate this week! It was a FAVORITE! I never thought I would be hanging out in the cemetery at 32 years old. But... I am out there regularly to clean her headstone up and decorate. 

Not the family picture I envisioned but it is what it is - and it is my FAVORITE that we always take a family picture with her headstone in the center. 

We went to see Finding Dory on Monday and it was a FAVORITE! I loved Finding Nemo, so I couldn't wait to see Finding Dory. It was a FAVORITE! (However, disclaimer, and completely my opinion - I still love Finding Nemo more!)

We had a friend stay with us on Wednesday this week. Makenzi only got 4 hours of sleep the night before, so before he even left that afternoon, she was sound asleep. She never naps anymore, so to look over and see my sweet girl napping was a FAVORITE of the week! 

Swimming!!! Spending days at the pool with my girls (and Jordan when he's off) is a definite summer FAVORITE! 

My sweet Addison is learning to swim without her puddle jumper and Makenzi is learning to dive. This year at the pool is super busy!!! And I am loving every minute! 

And another FAVORITE of the week - I have been working on selling Mary Kay. Which I kind of thought I'd never do, but I tried their Lash Intensity mascara not long ago and I am hooked - like can't live without it! Do yourself a favor and get some! If you don't have a consultant, get with me I'll order you some and ship it to you! 

It's been a pretty good week! I'm so thankful for that! 

Summer

We are in full force for summer - 

We are staying busy... 

We are traveling... 

We are swimming... 

We are enjoying life! 

Hence the reason I've been MIA lately. I'm just enjoying being with my girls and Jordan. 

We are making the most of this summer vacation. 

I'm Not Contagious

I've had this post on my mind for quite some time. 

Probably a lot of reason why I haven't posted a lot lately (plus, I had gotten a few comments (thankful for my moderation) that were inappropriate and hurt me). 

But... I've had some hurtful things happen lately. 

People treat you differently when you've lost a baby. It has changed me but when people treat you like you've got some disease and they just don't know what to say or how to say things to you it becomes hurtful. When you are excluded from events that you would've been included in had you not lost your baby, it is more hurtful than not. When you don't invite someone based on losing a child, it is more hurtful than not inviting them because you don't know what to say to us. 

We are a different breed. We lost a child. It is a difficult situation. I know you don't know what to say, I understand. I was that way once, too. I didn't know what to say to people who lost children. It's a fine line. But let me tell you, we aren't contagious. You aren't going to lose your children because you speak to us, invite us to normal things, or even be around us. 

You can say things to us and not bring up our loss. We don't necessarily want to talk about losing our baby all the time. I know I don't. I want to remember Emery (and honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her), I want to share her story, and I want to share how it brought me so strong in my faith. I want to share HER! But I can't talk about her a lot without crying, not yet anyway. So, I want be Debbie Downer around you. I don't just sit and cry at functions or sit and talk about her nonstop to make people feel sorry for me. 

Another thing - don't and I repeat do NOT tell me to get over it. I will never be ok. I probably won't ever be "better." I will go on with my life. I have to and I have to be strong for my kiddos. BUT... I won't be better. I will forever be changed because of Emery. I still struggle being around babies, even if you think I don't. I am happy for you and I love loving on them. I always will.... but don't think it doesn't make me think of what I'm missing. Don't for one second think it doesn't make me think of her and what she should look like right now. And don't for one second think "She's better." I am NOT over losing Emery, and if I live until I'm 100 I won't be over it. 

I will and am going on with my life. I am happy most days. I smile and I laugh. I joke with my family. But there's someone missing from my family and my heart aches for her in a way I can't even describe to you. 

I want you to know just because you're around me doesn't mean I'm going to ruin your JOY but you can sure ruin what little I have by excluding me because you think losing a baby has sucked the life out of me and you just don't know what to say to me. 

So, I will say it again... I am not contagious. I'm not going to make you depressed, I'm not going to rub off on you and make you feel like you'll lose your precious child (I don't wish that upon anyone... it's a pain that no one can express.), and I won't steal your JOY because you're happy and you think I'm not. 

Remember that when you're speaking to those who have lost children... we hurt! We are sad. And we will always miss our sweet babies. They're supposed to be here. So, if I live until I'm 100... Emery will forever be a part of me and I will miss her and wish she was here until the day I die and am reunited with her again in Heaven. But until then.... my life must go on. 

Click For Hope

Last week #ClickforHope shared my story. 

I wanted to share it here for you to all to read it. 

I was so honored to be a part of #clickforhope stories. 

Read some of the other stories on Click For Hope website. It is pretty spectacular to see how God works in all the stories. Every one's story is different and I pray mine impacts and helps those who need it most. 

Memorial Day

Memorial Day weekend was the first official weekend of summer (even though school let out last week). 

Our pool opened, so we stayed by our pool all day every single day of the weekend. 

It was enjoyable. 

On Saturday, MiMi and Pa Mark came to spend the weekend with us. We enjoyed their company poolside. 

Makenzi, every year, gets her Pa Mark to hold her up on his shoulders and let her stand. She works on her balance. The first of the year is always a struggle but by the end of the summer, she's a master. She was getting pretty good over the weekend. She does better if she doesn't have a big audience because when she starts smiling or laughing, she immediately falls. 

Pa Mark is always the fun one in the pool. It's too cold for me at the first of the year but it doesn't stop them. Pa Mark is just brave. (However, on Sunday and Monday I believe we all found our way in the pool because it was just too hot not to be in the pool. 

Sunday night after the afternoon at the pool, the girls went with MiMi and Pa Mark to get ice cream while Jordan & I went downtown to hang out with one of his good friends and his girlfriend. We all enjoyed our time. 

I loved being able to be downtown with Jordan and being able to be with him the whole time and not just there to watch him. Don't get me wrong I love watching him play, too but to just be together is nice. We laughed and just enjoyed being together. 

Monday morning Makenzi & Pa Mark made us something special for breakfast. The two of them are always in the kitchen in the mornings while every one else is asleep and they are preparing a good breakfast for us. This morning they prepared mini blueberry muffins for us out of Makenzi's princess cookbook KK got her for Christmas (or a birthday, or something). They were delicious. 

Then it was a day spent at the pool with family and friends, and a cook out with Ryne and his girlfriend at his house (He's become an extended part of our family who is always with us)

We really enjoyed our long weekend with family and friends. It was much needed and just a good weekend. 

And all of that busyness is why I've been missing in action this weekend.

When God Speaks To you Through Country Songs

Last week I downloaded Dierks Bentley's new album. 

I love all of his new music lately. 

I heard this song on the radio before the album released and listened to it on repeat until the album released. 

And not much has changed. I love the album... I have listened to it nonstop since I bought it but I still can listen to "Different for Girls" on repeat. 

I am not going through what the song talks about but still a heart break nonetheless. Jordan & I both cope completely different ways. 

We are different but we are there for one another. 

But we talked about how this song even speaks true to what we are experiencing. It is different for girls when they lose someone (especially a Mama losing a baby), than it is for boys. 

I can just listen to this song over and over again and it speaks to me in a completely different way. 

God speaks to me through country songs sometimes. And it truly makes me realize He is always there and always on time when I need Him. He shows me things will be OK and it's ok if I deal with things differently because it's ALLOWED. I never thought I would hear Him so clearly in a country song, but I sure did. (And it's one that really isn't exactly what I'm going through but can so relate to).