Thursday Confessions

I am linking up with Leigh at Balancing by Faith to share some Thursday confessions. 

1. I bought a watermelon today.... hoping for it to be seedless (it was in the seedless bin) and it was full of seeds. 

Can I just go ahead and say I am too lazy to pick out all the seeds? Therefore, I sliced it all up and put in a gallon size ziplock hoping my kiddos still eat it up. So far so good! 

2. I have a friend on Facebook who has been sharing her baby's one year birthday. She was a preemie just like Emery. She posted last night the first time she was able to hold her baby girl was at 23 days old. You guys I immediately started crying. 

I am happy for my friend and her baby. She's alive and thriving. She's beautiful and precious. 

But 23 days is permanently etched in my brain as a bad day for me. 23 days was the first time I was ever able to hold my sweet Emery, too... and it was the last and final day I was able to hold her. I held her until she took her final breaths. Oh I miss that baby girl so much! 

So, when I saw that my friend was able to hold her baby at 23 days old, too... and she was sharing a happy milestone but mine isn't so happy. 

3. I washed our car today... and it was almost embarrassing how dirty it was. And guess what? NOW it is pouring down the rain!!! I kid you not. I got the car washed and the rain poured! 

4. I got the most disturbing comment in my comment moderation last night. It has made me completely question my little blog in blog-land. (It's so inappropriate I am not even going to post the screen shot I sent my friend). 

I am looking into all kinds of things now to protect my blog and my kiddos. 

I don't want to close my blog. I had started this blog to share my journey with losing Emery. I was hoping it could help others that have or are going through the same thing we are as a family. I want to share her story. I want to share our faith through our journey. 

But when you get comments like the one I got last night, it makes you question everything. Am I doing the right thing sharing my story?! I want to continue giving God all the glory but I know He covered His face last night when He saw that comment. It was awful! 

5. I am totally enjoying our summer schedule! Maybe a little too much... I believe it was 3PM before I even took a shower and got myself ready today. Don't judge. 

6. And... our lawn care people showed up this morning to trim hedges right outside our windows! Let me tell you... it ruined my morning snooze. Makenzi & I were ready to open up the curtains and tell them to go away! 

7. We are patiently impatiently waiting on our complex to open up our pool. Come on weekend! We are ready! 

These are my confessions for the day! I have a whole list of confessions that I could probably keep on going...  it's been a week! I'm in a total funk and I need to get a lot off my chest, however, I think I should call it a day. 

Tomorrow I hope to share some of my favorite moments of the week - which includes our trip to the splash fountains downtown and the random kiddos that always seem to flock to me. (It's a trait I think I gained when I married Jordan... and now it doesn't matter where we go the crazies come out and find us... and share life stories and want to sit right next to us in a room full of empty chairs).