Mother's Day

Mother's Day was Sunday. I couldn't write then. We were away for the weekend for my baby brother's graduation. 

But it was not an easy day. 

Mother's Day was bittersweet. I have two precious girls at home with me, but my baby girl in heaven was missed so much that day. 

I needed her. It was a reminder that I should have had her at home with me but she was already back in heaven with Jesus. 

I had a few times where I just cried. Being away from Jordan was hard and I wanted to be with him, too. He helps me so much on hard days. 

I cuddled my girls. I loved on my girls. I knew Emery was watching over us and she wanted me to be happy. I knew she wanted me to know she was ok. 

That morning my Dad saw the pink sunrise. But as we were getting back to the beach house from eating, the island was circled in pink. The sunset was pink on every single corner of the island. 

I have to say that was one of the best Mother's Day gifts ever. I can't thank God enough for that. Emery was wishing me a Happy Mother's Day on a day I needed her so bad. 

Days are hard. I miss Emery now more than I think I did the day she passed. 

I told a friend this morning I feel like this is just like the roller coaster of the NICU - one day I feel fine and can function, and the next day I want to just cry my eyes out all day long. 

Even on one of my hard days, I was blessed with a good day. I had a day with my sweet girls, I FaceTime with Jordan during the sunset with tears in my eyes to show him our sweet girl wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. I had the best Mother's Day gift  - a beautiful pink sunset with my sweet big girls running and splashing in the ocean. I couldn't have asked for anything else (other than to have my sweet husband there with me watching it all).