SMELLS

While I was on bed rest, Jordan had to do all the grocery shopping for me. 

It, also, including picking up necessities for me - like razors, body wash, shampoo, conditioner. All things he is not accustomed to buying but he did it for me. 

Well, he brought home this body of Olay body wash. It smelled fine. It got me through and it moisturized great in the winter. I was on bedrest during the winter time, anyway.

Today I was taking my shower... first arm I was able to use my Bath & Body Works body wash. Then I couldn't get anymore out. The rest of the body wash Jordan bought me was in my shower, so I thought I would just finish it off. 

I put a dab in my hand to start washing the rest of my body. The scent took over the shower and all of a sudden I am in the shower crying. 

It took me back to the place where Emery was in my body and it was a struggle. It took me back to her being in the hospital. It took me back to all the bad times then. 

I was in the shower crying. I had no other body wash, so I had to finish cleaning myself. I actually thought about using Jordan's Old Spice body wash. Who cares if I smell like a man, at least I won't be a blubbering mess when I get out of the shower. 

Smells just take me back to places in time. Some smells can bring up good memories and then others just make it hard. 

Grant it today marks 2 months since we laid Emery to rest and it's a Wednesday, 10 of them to be exact since she left this world in my arms. 10 Wednesday's and 2 months since I have seen her sweet face. 

It wasn't a horribly hard day... but I sure thought while standing in the shower it was going to be rough. 

I tried telling Jordan about my shower experience and still cried even speaking the words. 

Needless to say, the body wash went straight in the trash... no body wash is worth ruining my days. 

I went to Walmart for groceries and a new bottle of body wash was bought. Tomorrow will be better. 

It is crazy to think that smells will bring up memories. It can take you back to so many places - good or bad. Today it wasn't good... had Emery still been here, I would bet that body wash would've taken me back to the dark times with smiles. 

But tonight as I am sitting here writing this post, I see beautiful pink and purple skies. It has been a dreary, rainy day in Nashville but when I looked out it brought a huge smile to my face. There is no coincidence in that. God knows just what I need. I see my baby girl in every single pink sunset or pink sunrise. 

Jordan saw it and said "just for you" as I was walking outside to take the pictures. 

When I walked back in we walked about how we do not think all of these pink sunsets are a coincidence. We know that God is providing us a way to see Emery Hope. He is constantly letting us know she is well taken care of & to not worry. We will see her again one day. I am forever thankful for that promise... and when I am in heaven with her, smells won't bother me. They won't make me cry my eyes out while standing in the shower. 

And here's a picture just because - sweet little Addison & me in the car rider line. She loves snapping pics constantly while we wait on Sissy. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me Addison 4.5 years ago. She can bring a smile to any day and she can always make us laugh. Right now, they are in their bedroom singing "It's a LOADED DIAPER." Don't even ask... I have no idea where they came up with the Loaded Diaper song or the band. :-)