tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50156298932310164082024-03-13T10:32:16.213-05:00Butterflies & Pink SunsetsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-726704369745745002017-01-07T16:31:00.001-06:002017-01-07T16:31:18.274-06:00The Hardest Year of My Life <div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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2016 proved to be the most difficult year I've ever experienced in my entire 32 years. I didn't know if the punches would quit coming.<br />
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It started with all the turmoil of my 3rd pregnancy. I had the hardest time trying to keep Emery Hope in my body. January was the end of it all. I thought at one point I was going to die. </div>
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I can remember laying in the hospital bed, still pregnant. My Mom and Jordan there with me. Jordan had stopped to visit with me before he came home to rest and ended up spending the night. I was struggling. My body was shaking all over, I was cold and hot, my heart rate was extremely high, my blood pressure was extremely low, and I just knew I was dying. I even remember praying for God just to take me and Emery... I was just over living that miserable. </div>
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Jordan was scared and afraid he was going to lose me that night, too. My Mom was holding me and he was sitting in the chair beside the bed praying. He took his boots off and slept on the hard hospital floor that night because he wasn't leaving me. </div>
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Mom said she thought that night was the last night I'd be alive, too. </div>
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Little did we know... 2 days later Emery Hope would make her arrival. Jordan said he can remember the night she was born and watching me sleep and seeing the life come back in my body. He said my pregnancy was killing me. </div>
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We still don't know why. It breaks my heart in two that my body could NOT hold Emery. It held my other two girls but could not keep her protected. </div>
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Our Emery journey was rough. 23 days we had with her. I wouldn't trade the 23 days for anything in this world. I was able to love that girl and show her how much her Mama loved her. I talked to her and rubbed her every chance I had. </div>
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The weekend before she passed I remember feeling the need to stay with her ALL day long. I dropped Jordan off at work and told him I'd come watch his show later I was just going to go visit with Emery. I ended up staying with her until 8PM that night. I made it to the last 15 minutes of his second show. I could NOT leave. I know was God telling me to stay with her because this was going to be a day I could never forget. It was the day I got the best video of her feet moving and reaching for my hands because she LOVED to have her feet rubbed. </div>
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We lost her in February. It was nothing I ever imagined happening. I kept telling myself the whole time I was pregnant that God was going to save her. Deep down I feel I knew she was never mine to keep for long, but I kept fighting those feelings and thinking she was going to eventually come home with us. </div>
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I didn't know if I'd make it through all of it. I did. I was stronger than I ever thought possible. I leaned on God a lot. I struggled a lot, and really and truly I still struggle a lot. I hide a lot of my grief and push through. I try to make the best of everything, but sometimes I just want to scream. </div>
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Emery Hope did exactly what God brought her here to do, but man oh man do I wish things were different. She never got to live a full life, and I wish she would have. I miss her something terrible. I long to sit here and rock her to sleep, feed her, watch her grow. It's hard to think that next week she would be ONE! I wonder daily what would she look like now.... would she still be tiny and mighty or would she be caught up and surpassing her age. I just want to know. I see glimpses of her in my dreams at time and wish I had more. </div>
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2016 we lost so many close to us... I didn't think my heart could take all that it went through. It's still broken, but I'm making it. I don't think the brokenness ever goes away completely. I learn to live again, but the brokenness will be there forever. I will always wish there were 3 little girls running around my house. I will always wonder what Emery would look like in each stage of life... in each season throughout each year. </div>
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2017 I am hoping and praying is a much better year for us. I'm praying that we can continue to be strong as a family and keep each other close. </div>
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So, here's to a new year... and I'm thankful to see 2017 here. I made it through 2016 and I am hopeful that 2017 is going to be our best year yet. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-30936185443170568232017-01-05T17:40:00.001-06:002017-01-05T17:40:19.002-06:00It's a New Year<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I have been MIA for a while. </div>
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I really have no reason for being MIA other than life happens. </div>
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We have celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years. We have had some good times, some great times, some hard days, and just life. </div>
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I will say I am oh so thankful for all of my many blessings. God has sure blessed me even through one of the hardest years I've ever been through. </div>
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We were more than ready to see 2016 come and go. I won't say 2017 has been great yet... I have to get through the first two months which I believe will be rough. It's hard to think that next week Emery should be 1. And then 23 days later, I will go through the 1 year anniversary of her passing. I am just praying that we can get through this and everything start to look up some for us. </div>
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We decorated our sweet baby girl's headstone for Christmas. The girls each picked out a candy cane and Makenzi picked a snowflake and Addison picked out a penguin that says "Let It Snow." My Nanny helped me pick out some beautiful flowers for her vase. We had her all decorated for Christmas. It was beautiful out there. </div>
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We went to my cousin Carl's Home for Christmas concert in Mississippi with my Mom and Nanny. It was not the easiest or most enjoyable concert I've been to. It was like something was missing because my Grandaddy wasn't sitting there with us. However, I am glad we were there. We all needed the support of each other. I had a few moments of breakdowns, but I think we all had a few as we went through the night. </div>
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I went over to the funeral home (which is where they have the dressing room for the musicians) and hung out with my little Addison during one of the concerts. We played and ate. We had a big time together. But I told her she had to sit through the second concert. </div>
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They love Carl so much! We had to snap a quick picture of them before we headed out for the night after the after party. (late nights for little girls) </div>
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We shopped till we dropped for Christmas gifts! </div>
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We started Christmas early at MeMa's and decided that we should just start Christmas break early. Makenzi missed 3 days of school leading up to Christmas break so we could hang with family and enjoy Christmas! Merry Christmas baby girl! </div>
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We saw a few pink sunsets... actually quite a bit but I won't bore you with all the pictures of pink sunsets I took. </div>
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Santa came to visit all 3 of my girls! Makenzi and Addison got a new Barbie dream house and barbies (like they needed more). Makenzi got the cookbook she had been begging for. Addison got legos she had been asking for. They had a BIG Christmas and were oh so happy! Emery got her own stocking and an angel Christmas ornament. </div>
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Our elves came right after Thanksgiving and the girls kept asking if I thought Santa would send them an elf for Emery. My heart just couldn't take moving a 3rd Elf without Emery here. I thought long and hard about it and prayed about it. I just couldn't do it. I explained to them that Emery didn't need an elf because she wasn't here and what she has in heaven is way more than any gift you could receive here. They understood. But right before Christmas Eve, on a really hard day for me I decided Santa needed to bring Emery a stocking and an ornament. The girls were excited and told me that it was so thoughtful of Santa to include Emery. So, every year we will hang her stocking up with ours. I thought that was easier for me than moving an elf. </div>
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We bought the girls Pie Face and played it together one night. Addison refuses to play but Jordan, Makenzi, and me played it and all were pied. We laughed so hard. It was so much fun to just play together. Family game night is interesting at our house now - with pie face and Makenzi just got Speak Out, too. </div>
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With Makenzi's new cookbook, we baked cookies. They were a hot mess, but eventually we will get the hang of it. At least they tasted delicious. They just didn't look very pretty. </div>
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We had unseasonably warm temperatures, so we took the girls to the park the day after Christmas. It was so nice to just be together as a family. </div>
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The girls went to MiMi and Pa Mark's during the week after Christmas, so Mama and Daddy had some time together. We spent our whole week downtown Nashville. We just enjoyed our time together and time with our friends Tyler and Kayla. </div>
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We celebrated New Years Eve together with our friends and girls. I was sick with a cold, but we still managed to put on a pretty awesome party. We played Speak Out and Pie Face, laughed until we cried, rang in the new year twice (because Addison missed it the first time, so we counted down twice and kissed twice), and stayed up until well into the New Year. </div>
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We spent a lot of time in Target because well, we just love it! </div>
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We checked out the cats at Pet Smart. </div>
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We went to see Moana and had the whole theater to ourselves. </div>
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We have just enjoyed our Christmas break! I'm sad that it's almost over and it's back to routine. </div>
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I am going to try to do better now that the New Year is here. I want to share how the first year of grief has gone, and the year without Emery. We made it through the year I thought I would never make it through. It's here. 2017! And I have the best family I could ever ask for. I'm ready to tackle 2017 head first! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-11864760551357656902016-10-01T17:30:00.002-05:002016-10-01T17:30:31.500-05:00I'm Still Here<div style="text-align: center;">
I've been MIA for quite some time. </div>
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I apologize. We have been so busy since school started back that I just haven't taken the time to sit down and work on my blog like I want. </div>
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I have so much I want to share with you guys. </div>
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We have decorated Emery's headstone with fall flowers. It looks beautiful out there for her. I love this time of year and couldn't wait to decorate her headstone in the most beautiful fall flowers. </div>
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Makenzi had her school pictures. I went to Walmart the night before her pictures and picked her up a cute little dress so she would wear something new this year. When I got home with it, Addison asked me "what about me?" I had picked her up the same dress. MY girls LOVE to dress alike. I have some of the sweetest sisters ever. </div>
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We spent some time at the Wilson County Fair. We love the fair. We look forward to it every single year... the food, the rides, the fun! </div>
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We've had some busy times and some fun times. The girls have been gone or with grandparents the past two weekends, so I've spent time downtown with Jordan. We love our time together. He loves being able to have me downtown and I love being there with him. </div>
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We have all enjoyed this fall like weather this week. Cool weather after the crazy, hot summer we have had is so nice! Fall is my favorite time of year anyway, so feeling the crispness in the air has just made my heart so happy. </div>
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I want to share a little something with you guys - after the year I've had I have spent a lot of time contemplating, thinking, praying, and making notes and mental notes on writing a book. I want to share some things I feel might be helpful to others. I want to write a book on What You Do When God Doesn't.... like when He doesn't answer your prayers in the way you want. Where do you go? I want to just continue to use my faith, continue to use my Emery's story, and write from my heart. I want to show people I do still scream and do still have my moments of being MAD and I think others could benefit from a book like that. So, I am going to be making notes... I'm not saying it'll happen, and I'm not saying it'll happen soon. But I am thinking on it and I am making notes. I am going to attempt to put together some thoughts in a coherent way to try at writing a full book. *wide eyed emoji* Please pray with me that I may be able to do something like this to benefit others. I know reading certain blogs, books, and even articles have truly helped me. I want to continue to use my Emery's story to help others! </div>
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Anyway - I just wanted to run all of that by you all. I wanted to share a little of our lives lately and I hope starting this week I can get inspired to make my daily posts again! :-) Much love to you all! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-2124590226713403432016-08-09T16:16:00.000-05:002016-08-09T16:16:43.521-05:00Mommy & Me Pics <div style="text-align: center;">
We had pictures made, thanks to my sister-in-law and brother. </div>
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They were Mommy and me pictures. It was kind of bittersweet because I was a missing a girl. </div>
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However, she was there... we took her things to add to our pictures and as the pictures were over the most beautiful pink sunset happened. </div>
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I love these pictures. I'm going to share a couple of them with you. </div>
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If you are local, you can look up <a href="http://www.korihobbs.com/">Kori Hobbs Photography</a>. She's awesome. </div>
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We have been friends for years. Our oldest girls are a day apart. We had bedrest at the same time and kept each other company by texting all day long while we were laying. </div>
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So... here are a few of our pictures! Enjoy! </div>
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My sweet, sweet girls! They are the BEST of friends. You can see their closeness here, the way Makenzi wraps her arm around Addison. Addison in true form... refusing to smile, but she can barely help it! I love these girls, oh so much!!!! </div>
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My big Makenzi! I can't believe how big she has gotten! She is beautiful. Those sweet little cheeks, that smile, and her looking so grown up. I can't believe how big she is. She is supposed to still be my baby. </div>
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Of course, our little sidekick Bella joined in for a few pictures. They had their pictures made right before us. :-) </div>
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Addison was being a little punk - and didn't want to smile for any of the pictures. I think this is probably one of my favorite pictures of her. That is her personality... trying not to smile but could barely help it. Those big sweet dimples showing, and those gorgeous, huge brown eyes! </div>
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And last but not least... the pictures with their baby sister. I brought Emery's picture from her casket, the pillow the lady made out of my dress with the same embroidery that was on Emery's burial gown & the bow just like the one she wore on her head, and the teddy bear that came with her casket (which we refer to as Baby Emery). These girls (all 3 of them) are the reason I breathe. </div>
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When I saw this picture, it brought tears to my eyes. It wasn't quite the picture of my dreams, but it is what it is. God knew better than me. </div>
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I can't thank Kori, and my brother and sister-in-law enough for these pictures. They are so gorgeous and we will cherish them. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-34660555960501984362016-08-05T17:00:00.001-05:002016-08-05T17:00:45.762-05:00Friday Favorites <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I am linking up with <a href="http://www.momfessionals.com/">Andrea</a> and <a href="http://tabanderika.blogspot.com/">Erika</a> with my Friday Favorites. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>ONE</b></span></div>
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It was back to school this week. Although not my absolute favorite (because who wants to wake up at 5am) but I love back to school pictures. </div>
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I love the memories of going back and looking through the years and seeing how much my girls have grown. </div>
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Yes, I misspelled school and had to write over it (ha!). I really started questioning myself on my ability to homeschool her at this point in the week. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>TWO </b></span></div>
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I never thought I would homeschool, but I decided instead of putting Addison in an actual Pre-K program I would just homeschool her. </div>
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I spent yesterday (Makenzi's random day off in the first week of school) making a Pre-K folder (thank you Pinterest) for Addison. </div>
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Last night, we sat down and worked on it. She is so proud of herself and really concentrating on it. It makes me proud of her and even myself for being able to teach her. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>THREE </b></span></div>
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SNAPCHAT FILTERS </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>FOUR</b></span></div>
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I kept telling Jordan that Robby looked like a Barbie doll... not necessarily the best looking Ken Barbie but still he looked plastic to me. When I saw this comparison on Facebook the other night, I about died. I laughed and laughed and immediately screenshot it to share with Jordan. Someone needed to mess Robby's hair up!!!! :-) </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>FIVE </b></span></div>
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Hot pink sunsets!!! Always reminds me of my sweet Emery Hope who is painting the skies in heaven. I am forever thankful for God allowing me to see her beauty through the pink skies. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>SIX </b></span></div>
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I went with some friends to the CMA Fest back in June. We had the best time. </div>
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We watched the CMA Fest on TV the other night and I saw Carmen and her Mom on TV, where Dierks Bentley reached down and touched her head! AHHH!!!! I was so excited. I squealed "Jordan, there's Carmen!" and he kept rewinding it until he got the perfect picture!!! :-) </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>SEVEN</b></span></div>
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This Bath and Body Works body scrub!!! After a hard day for me, a headache, and just being worn out.... I get in a hot bubble bath and soak and scrub with it! AMAZING!!!! </div>
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I received it in a care package from a friend after Emery passed away. I tagged her in Facebook to thank her. I am still so thankful for this little jar of happiness! :-) </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>EIGHT</b></span></div>
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First week of school has us all like..... </div>
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I will have to say it's been a good first week of school... a busy one, but luckily we've had a good one! </div>
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I am looking forward to watching a couple of movies with the kiddos and Jordan tonight, while we eat Sloppy Joes (their request) and slice up a watermelon. Hope you guys all have a wonderful weekend!!!! </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-19610593452553778492016-08-05T16:25:00.001-05:002016-08-05T16:25:30.845-05:00August 3, 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I kind of slacked on writing on the 3rd. </div>
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It was 6 months on the 3rd when Emery went to be with Jesus. </div>
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It is so hard to believe it has been 6 months. </div>
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Half a year! </div>
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Some days it feels like yesterday, and others feels like it's been forever. I miss her so much! Some days seem harder than others and some days I feel I've got a hold of this grief thing. My family helps with that a lot. </div>
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When I see this hot pink sunsets, my heart just melts. I never got to see my baby grow up. I only was able to see her for 23 short days. However, I know God is allowing me to see her beauty through these pink sunsets. There have been so many pink sunsets since she joined Him in Heaven, that I know it is a sign for me to know she is ok and well taken care of. </div>
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Oh my sweet Emery, I saw this on Facebook the other night and it just rang so true. I will always wonder who you would have been... so many questions I ask. A lot of times they keep me up at night... what you would look like? Would you be a Daddy's girl like Addison or a Mama's girl like Makenzi? Would you look like Addison still? Would you have dimples like Addison when you smile? Would your eyes have turned green like your Mama's? Oh I just long to see you one more time... I long to hold you one more time. But I know... one more time wouldn't be enough. I wish I was able to love you longer and watch you grow... But I know one day I will be reunited with you in heaven, and I will be able to have you with me for all eternity. Love you sweet girl! </div>
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We will get through one day at a time... I just pray God continues to comfort us as only He can. And I continue to pray He allows me to see pink sunsets as much as possible and I thank HIM every night I see one. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-76301116550258591412016-08-02T12:19:00.003-05:002016-08-02T12:19:40.173-05:00First Day of 3rd Grade & "That Homeschool" <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Yesterday - bright and early (6:45am) we left the house for Makenzi's first day of school. </div>
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I can't believe she's in the 3rd grade. It does not seem possible. I reminisced some on first day of school years past... Oh my sweet girl has grown so much. She looked so grown up as we left yesterday morning. </div>
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She had on her brand new outfit (I'm the Mom who buys ONE new outfit to start school since we start in summer time... and I'll buy her a new wardrobe come fall when it's actually cool). </div>
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We have a tradition where I need a silly face picture with her sidewalk chalk writing. I love to see how she changes each year even down to her silly poses. </div>
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I walked her into her classroom for the first day. I watched her put her things away and then one sit in her desk. I watched her chit chat with one of her friends at their cubbies as they put away their things. It's just so surreal to me to watch her in her little environment. </div>
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I'll be honest... part of me was ready for school to start back for routine. Makenzi does so much better with routine. Plus I was ready for some quiet time... some me time. They stay up so late and sleep until I wake up, that I never had down time for just me. I wouldn't mind it so much if she didn't need me to fall asleep. </div>
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However, I do miss her so much now that she is in school. I wonder all day long how her day is going, if she's having fun, if she's making new friends, if she needs a hug, etc. </div>
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Makenzi Grace, Watching you grow up has been so much fun, but I am wishing time would slow down. I love that right now you still need me to walk you into school and I will do it until it's not cool to hold Mama's hand as you walk in. I love your dramatic personality, even if it kills me sometimes. I love that you love school (except the waking up early part). I just want you to know I am so proud of you and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. I can't wait to watch you just excel through the 3rd grade. Remember, God's got this! We prayed hard for this school year to be one of your best, and we know He will provide for you! I love you, baby girl!!! ~Mama</div>
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And this one - Addison Faith started "homeschool" Pre-K. We decided not to send her to Pre-K like we did Makenzi. It didn't benefit Makenzi and made adjustment to Kindergarten harder. And to be honest... with the year we had, we weren't ready to send our baby off to school quite yet. </div>
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So, Addison and I started "That Homeschool" as she is referring to it yesterday. We worked on her letters and numbers, she told me her colors and separated her blocks into colors. She's super smart. I just want her to know the essentials before Kindergarten, so we will work every day on it. </div>
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She wrote her letters some. I had her write her name and she always leaves out the "i" and the "s." I told her we couldn't do that and we were going to learn how to write them. She told me "Mama, we need to just leave those out because I don't know how to make them." So, she wanted to spell her name "Addon" and that's exactly how she was writing it. But we worked on it... and she finally spelled it correctly. </div>
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When we told her we were going to do homeschool with her, her mind started going. She asked me one day "Mama, when I in that homeschool, I can still take naps when I want, right?" and then "Mama, when I in that homeschool, I can still watch TV when I want, right?" HA! She has a lot to learn about school. But we are working on it. SLOWLY but we are! </div>
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She is so funny. I am going to love being able to teach her things at home. </div>
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After we finished our little lesson yesterday, she told me "that homeschool is BORING!" Oh sweet girl! You don't know anything yet.... we only did school for about an hour yesterday. :-) </div>
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Addison Faith - You are so smart! I am so excited to be able to keep you home one more year and teach you. I am loving watching you mature and grow. I love watching you learn new things and how excited you get when you figure something out. I love watching how you want to learn from your sister. I love when you show her something you've learned. You will excel in all you do. We are so excited to see you succeed. You can do anything you put your mind to and we are so proud of you! I am praying God will allow me to teach you all you need to know to help you be the smartest. I love you, sweet girl! ~Mama</div>
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I saw this on Facebook yesterday and I loved it. I think this is perfect way to Pray for our children while they're in school. I constantly am praying for Makenzi as she is away from me. I know it's a necessary thing for her to be in school, but I just pray she keeps God close and she stays safe. I say the same prayers over my sweet Addison </div>
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Even though summer went by really fast (and it was a hard summer), I am excited for this school year for my girls. I am hopeful it will be one of their best years yet. I am praying everything just goes up for us now. We are putting our full trust in God to take care of everything, just as He has this whole year. As I tell Makenzi (and my Mama tells me), God's got this! We just have to let Him! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-27407575614315548352016-07-28T17:24:00.000-05:002016-07-28T17:24:15.056-05:00Pink Sunsets | | Pink Sunrises <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I just want to document these - </div>
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Ever since my Grandaddy joined my sweet Baby Emery in heaven, I have struggled. I just cry or am depressed or down all day every day. I just need them both. But, I have seen a PINK sunset every single night since he's been with her. </div>
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I just stop and thank God for allowing me to see my sweet girl. I know she's ok... I know she's well taken care of. I know she is happy and carefree. I know she is where we long to be one day. </div>
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I miss her terribly... and with each passing day it seems to hurt worse right now. It's been 5 months since I've seen her face, since I've rubbed her feet and her hair. I just want to hold her and rock her. I want to love on her. </div>
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I am reminded today that it has been ONE week since I kissed my Grandaddy goodbye on this cruel Earth. I didn't get to give him a proper goodbye but I leaned down into that casket and kissed his cold head because I needed that. I didn't think when I kissed him goodbye in June would be the last time I would see him alive. </div>
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You guys, the past two weeks have been miserable for me in my grieving process. But with my PINK sunsets, I am reminded of our eternal HOPE waiting for us all at the end of this life.</div>
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I was having a rough day the other day and looked up and saw the most beautiful pink sunset ever and told my Mom I can just picture my Grandaddy and Emery up there having a big ole time and her saying "Grandaddy, watch this, wanna see my Mama smile?" and them painting the sky pink. Even on my hardest days, a pink sunset can sure bring a smile to my face. </div>
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I took my Mom to the airport early this morning and was able to see the sunrise. Makenzi and I looked up and she couldn't believe it. She said "LOOK MAMA!!!" Oh my sweet Baby Emery was telling us "Good Morning!" I am rarely up before the sun, so it was nice to see that sweet reminder. </div>
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I am reminded of God's eternal glory every day. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-17786028866176956092016-07-28T17:23:00.000-05:002016-07-28T17:23:25.763-05:00Amazing Grace <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Sometimes I just need to hear my girls playing and worshipping! </div>
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This right here melted my heart and made my day. </div>
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I've had some hard days lately, so hearing them singing Amazing Grace just made me smile. </div>
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I hope it does the same for you! </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-33804439886580502182016-07-25T22:24:00.003-05:002016-07-25T22:24:32.295-05:00Let's Talk - Back to School<div style="text-align: center;">
It's late and I've just started this back to school post. </div>
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One week from today, Makenzi will be back in school. She will be in the 3rd grade. I honestly can't believe it. I am still thinking I should just be bringing her home from the hospital. </div>
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She's really anxious about school. She's hoping she gets a good teacher (and I am praying hard for one). We've had rough year and she needs a very loving teacher. (I am picky in the teacher department when it comes to Makenzi). </div>
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One of our back to school traditions is I always get up and draw what grade she is in on the patio. We take her first day of school picture out there with the bright sidewalk chalk, brand new shoes, backpack, and new outfit. It's always nice to look back at those to see how much she's grown. </div>
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This year we have decided instead of putting Addison in Pre-K, we are going to home school her for Pre-K. I am going to teach her the fundamentals Makenzi learned in Pre-K from home. It will just work for us. Makenzi did not benefit from Pre-K, so we decided we would keep Addison home one more year. </div>
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Addison has learned this and has started telling everyone she's going to be doing "that homeschool." She, also, has made the statement "Mama, when I'm in that homeschool I can still take naps whenever I want, right?" and "Mama, when I'm in that homeschool I can still watch TV whenever I want, right?" I kid you not those were exact questions she asked me. We will have some disagreements I'm sure...but she'll make it. She will learn and be ready for kindergarten for sure. </div>
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I can't wait to experience this school year with my kiddos. However, I am going to be honest and say I am not ready for them to go back to school yet. I feel like we just started summer. </div>
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This weekend I will go and tackle all the school supply shopping, new outfits (it's still so hot out we only get a couple new outfits just so there's something new to start school with, and new shoes. Then we will start bright and early Monday morning. I think I will cry (again... she's in the 3rd grade) the moment I leave her at the door. I have one more year before I have to drop Addison off, too. I will for sure be a basket case that day. </div>
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But I will tell you - back to school means one thing - it's closer to FALL, which of course, is the BEST time of year. I am for certain that's what heaven will be like! :-) </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-18680287941962447702016-07-23T15:33:00.004-05:002016-07-23T15:33:42.788-05:00God DOES Give You More than You Can Handle<div style="text-align: center;">
Everyone has heard the age old saying "God doesn't give you more than you can handle," and I'm sure we've all used it to someone who is suffering as a consoling message. </div>
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With all that I've been through this year, I've heard it quite a bit and I always smile and nod. </div>
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However, what is really true is God never said he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. Not once! There isn't anything biblical in that statement. </div>
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Losing a child - that's a LOT to handle. God gives you more than you can handle to see how you handle it. Do you lean on HIM or do you stray away? Do you use HIM to cope or do you use something else? Do you trust HIM to bring you through it or do you leave HIM? </div>
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He gives us more than we can handle so that He can help us handle what we are given.</div>
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Losing a baby... losing my Grandaddy who has been the man constant in my life for 32 years... has been a lot. And I'm going to go on a limb here and say that's a lot more than I am ever prepared to handle. I'm back to square one of grieving after losing my Grandaddy and I've cried every single day - not just soft cries, I'm talking sobbing cries. I miss Emery Hope and I miss him. I never expected to live this life without either one of them (I knew eventually I'd lose my Grandaddy... I guess deep down... but wasn't prepared for it). </div>
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So, I've experienced WAY more than anyone can handle. However, I've leaned on my Lord for it all. 2 Corinthians 1:9 states "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead." God will give you more than you can handle so that HIS great power can be displayed in your life. </div>
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In 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, Paul says "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." You guys, Paul is trying to get us to look to the eternal weight of glory. Look to the eternal aspect... not the suffering now. Yes, it's bad... and yes, it hurts so much... but look at eternity. </div>
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I know my heaven gets a little sweeter with each heart break I've experienced this year. As sad as I am here, and as many breakdowns as I continue to have daily... I know one thing I've got some pretty special people in heaven waiting on me. I know my baby girl is there and being well taken care of (how can someone love her more than I do - oh but Jesus can). I know my Grandaddy is there and happy and back to a new body where he has all the energy he had as a younger man. </div>
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So, even though God will give you more than YOU can handle... He will NOT ever forsake you. He won't ever leave you. As long as you allow him in, and allow HIM to comfort you as only He can... you can get through these hard times in life. I promise you that! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-86778748268635824542016-07-22T17:12:00.001-05:002016-07-22T17:12:30.341-05:00Losing a Child <div style="text-align: center;">
Last week, Jordan and I were able to have a kid free week. We normally get about one week a summer to ourselves. We fully enjoy this time. I am able to go with him to work (one of the perks of him being a musician), so we are never apart. We get to spend all of our time together. </div>
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While I was there, I experienced something I didn't think I'd ever experience. I had someone tell me "You know there's many ways to losing a child." </div>
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Mind you - this person hasn't lost a child. The child is simply away at college - not at home anymore. I guess you can say an empty nest syndrome. </div>
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Let me tell you something - there is NO comparison to a child going off to college to losing a child like I have my Emery. </div>
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I can't pick up the phone and call her to hear her voice. I can't go visit her whenever I want or ever see her again on this Earth. I don't get to buy her anything... but flowers for her headstone. I don't ever get to experience her growing up and even going to college. I miss every single thing about being a parent to my baby girl. </div>
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Yes, I still have my other two at home... and for that I am oh so thankful. Will I miss them when they move away to college or get married or move out? Absolutely! Will the emptiness I feel when they leave compare to the emptiness I feel losing Emery? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! </div>
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There is no comparison to that! </div>
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This is just another thing to add to my growing list of things not to say to a grieving mother. </div>
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I pray this person never really has to experience the complete loss of a child, if they truly feel a child moving off to college is even close to losing a child. </div>
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It just shows you that people who haven't experienced losing a child, really do not have a clue. Some people can be really sympathetic and say comforting things, and some people can just be flat out stupid (sorry, but there's just no other word for that). You don't say something like that to a mother who buried their child .... in a cemetery... in a spot in the cemetery especially for small children/babies. </div>
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It hurts me to think people can be so rude. That people can be that ignorant to even think that is a close to a comparison. </div>
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I long to hold my Emery, I long to rock her, nurture her, watch her grow, see her smile, hear her voice, hear her cry, kiss her booboos, kiss her sweet face, rub her soft black hair (and see if it would change to blonde like her sisters' did), look into those BIG eyes (and secretly hope they turned green like mine). But I don't get to see those things... I won't get to see her again until I'm in heaven with her. I know that day will be a glorious day I can only dream about (and even then it won't compare to the greatness of heaven). But to those of you who think losing a child just means them moving away... you are far mistaken! You can call your child, you can visit your child, you can watch them grow and mature, move away and get married, get jobs, etc. I can't do those things. </div>
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It was something that's been weighing on me.... and I needed to just write it out. Emery is missed far more than she will ever even know (because who would miss this cruel nasty world in heaven). I can't wait until the day I can join her... and love her for all of eternity. </div>
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Until then... don't ever compare losing a child to something as much as a child growing up and moving away. There is no comparison. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-24770083555871063852016-07-21T15:30:00.000-05:002016-07-21T15:30:59.124-05:00I've Got So Much To Say <div style="text-align: center;">
If you're friends with me on Facebook, you know this summer has been no walk in the park for my family and me. </div>
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We have lost so many close relatives. </div>
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A few of those have brought me to my knees in tears. </div>
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Jordan's Gramma was the first in June... She was such an amazing lady. She loved me like I was hers (and I guess after 9 years I was). Jordan had told me the whole time we've been together how hard it would be when he lost his Gramma and Pop and he took it very hard when she was gone. I held him and let him cry. </div>
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She was absolutely gorgeous. She was a woman that would do anything for anyone. She would give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it. She has helped everyone she could for years. She has helped Jordan and me more times than I can even imagine. I loved hearing stories of her at her funeral. She was a special lady and oh my, she will be missed!!! </div>
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We've experienced so much. Our hearts are so broken. I heard the other day "it's like a jigsaw puzzle that's been torn all apart," in a song... and that fits perfectly right now. </div>
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3 weeks from when Gramma passed away, I received a phone call from my cousin in the middle of night... my Grandaddy has just died. Gramma and my Grandaddy passed away much the same way... they felt bad and then within an hour they were gone. When I got that phone call, I broke down. I cried my eyes out and today (he's been gone since Sunday, I am still crying at the drop of a hat). He's the one man I really thought would just live forever and take care of me. I thought he would be there to answer all my questions for all the days of my life. I don't know how to live without him or my Nanny. I am lucky to still have my Nanny but now the reality has set in that I don't get to keep them forever and I will eventually have to tell her goodbye, too... and it's killing me. </div>
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I don't think anyone really realized how close I was to my Nanny and Grandaddy unless you were really close to me. I talked to them every single day. I called them every day when I would go pick Makenzi up from school. I called them when I would head out of town, so they knew where I was and when I was on the road. I called them when I needed to vent or to cry. I called them when something exciting happened. I called them when something devastating happened. I called them multiple times a day when Emery was alive to keep them updated because my Grandaddy couldn't fall asleep at night until he heard how Emery was. They are my world. I don't know how to go on without him... but I know I have to. </div>
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I spent so many summers at their house and I miss those times. I've let my girls experience it some. We've spent Spring breaks there and summer times. I feel sure we aren't going to stop now... we will continue to go see my Nanny. </div>
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We drove them mad. But I know they wouldn't have had it any other way than to have us all under their roof. My Grandaddy was always firm with us (well, except me... you can ask the boys). But... he never once spanked any of us, even the boys, and they were rough sometimes. He told us stories about being in the army, he told us stories about fishing and took us fishing and out on the water, he always had the biggest garden I'd ever seen and worked his summers away in them, he had the most immaculate yard you could think of because that's where he loved to be, he was a John Deere man and that's all he had (he even sold John Deere at his shop for many years), he took care of us all. My Nanny and him spent a week with me after I had Makenzi and Addison to help take care of me and my girls (and spoil my girls). He was right where he wanted to be. </div>
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I told everyone I was his favorite. I said it jokingly but I know in his eyes, I could do no wrong and he loved me immensely (he loved the boys, too but I was the only granddaughter). He took care of me. So many at his funeral would come up to me and say "you were his pride and joy", "he talked about you all the time," "you were his favorite, and I know so because he told me one time," "Skye was always in conversations even if we hadn't been talking about you, you were going to come up somehow, someway." That man was my rock. I knew I could count on him for anything. </div>
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I don't think I can really express how much I miss him already. I want to call my Nanny right now and hear him mumbling in the background. I want to just hug him or feel him tickle my foot as he walked past me with his long fingernails and rough, working man hands or hear him say "when you coming to see me?" </div>
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I know for sure he's with my baby Emery and taking care of her for me until I get there. He's holding her just like he did me. She's got the place as his favorite right now. But I'll be there one day... to be with them. </div>
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You guys, we have had the roughest 6 months ever. We have lost a total of 5 relatives... We lost our Emery Hope, Jordan's Aunt Gail, Jordan's Gramma, Pa Mark's daddy, and my Grandaddy. Our hearts are so heavy. They are so shattered. We need the prayers to get through these rough times. </div>
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I have a few stories to share with you guys - and I hope I can get some blogging done this week and share my heart on some things that have happened lately, but today I had to share my heart a few days after losing the man I thought would live forever. </div>
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Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers - we need them. Please keep Jordan's Pop, Mark's Mama, and my sweet Nanny in your prayers as they learn to live without their spouses of over 60 years. They need comfort like no other. </div>
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<i>"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22 </i></div>
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<i>"God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause His face to shine upon us." Pslam 67:1</i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-25133120191457709092016-06-24T17:31:00.004-05:002016-06-24T17:32:23.151-05:00Friday Favorites <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm linking up with Erika today over on <a href="http://tabanderika.blogspot.com/">A Little Bit of Everything</a>. </div>
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I've had a few favorite moments this week - </div>
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On Father's Day I was looking through my wedding pictures because unfortunately the only pictures I have of my Dad and me are on my wedding day. Shame!</div>
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He always makes me laugh. This picture I was laughing because I had just realized as we were walking to Jordan I had forgotten my bouquet. There is no telling what he was telling me in this picture but it's priceless. </div>
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Then I had to look at a few of Jordan and me. </div>
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This is my FAVORITE of our wedding pics. Walking hand in hand on the beach, talking, and laughing at no telling what! He's a laugh a minute and I'm so thankful for him! He is my FAVORITE!</div>
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And this picture still describes Jordan and me - we both cracked up when we looked at it! Oh I love that man of mine! </div>
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PINK SUNSETS are always my FAVORITE! My sweet Emery Hope is always showing us she's watching over us. She happened to show up on Father's Day this year (just like she showed up for me on Mother's Day!). I told her Daddy to look outside, she was wishing him a Happy Father's Day, too. We went by her grave to make sure her solar lights were working and I snapped this picture! </div>
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My Nanny bought Emery Hope some beautiful flowers for 4th of July, so we had to go decorate this week! It was a FAVORITE! I never thought I would be hanging out in the cemetery at 32 years old. But... I am out there regularly to clean her headstone up and decorate. </div>
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Not the family picture I envisioned but it is what it is - and it is my FAVORITE that we always take a family picture with her headstone in the center. </div>
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We went to see Finding Dory on Monday and it was a FAVORITE! I loved Finding Nemo, so I couldn't wait to see Finding Dory. It was a FAVORITE! (However, disclaimer, and completely my opinion - I still love Finding Nemo more!)</div>
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We had a friend stay with us on Wednesday this week. Makenzi only got 4 hours of sleep the night before, so before he even left that afternoon, she was sound asleep. She never naps anymore, so to look over and see my sweet girl napping was a FAVORITE of the week! </div>
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Swimming!!! Spending days at the pool with my girls (and Jordan when he's off) is a definite summer FAVORITE! </div>
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My sweet Addison is learning to swim without her puddle jumper and Makenzi is learning to dive. This year at the pool is super busy!!! And I am loving every minute! </div>
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And another FAVORITE of the week - I have been working on selling Mary Kay. Which I kind of thought I'd never do, but I tried their Lash Intensity mascara not long ago and I am hooked - like can't live without it! Do yourself a favor and get some! If you don't have a consultant, get with me I'll order you some and ship it to you! </div>
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It's been a pretty good week! I'm so thankful for that! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-72114991258416970562016-06-22T16:13:00.000-05:002016-06-22T16:13:01.878-05:00Summer <div style="text-align: center;">
We are in full force for summer - </div>
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We are staying busy... </div>
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We are traveling... </div>
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We are swimming... </div>
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We are enjoying life! </div>
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Hence the reason I've been MIA lately. I'm just enjoying being with my girls and Jordan. </div>
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We are making the most of this summer vacation. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-89978502165518019372016-06-22T15:56:00.001-05:002016-06-22T15:56:26.431-05:00I'm Not Contagious <div style="text-align: center;">
I've had this post on my mind for quite some time. </div>
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Probably a lot of reason why I haven't posted a lot lately (plus, I had gotten a few comments (thankful for my moderation) that were inappropriate and hurt me). </div>
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But... I've had some hurtful things happen lately. </div>
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People treat you differently when you've lost a baby. It has changed me but when people treat you like you've got some disease and they just don't know what to say or how to say things to you it becomes hurtful. When you are excluded from events that you would've been included in had you not lost your baby, it is more hurtful than not. When you don't invite someone based on losing a child, it is more hurtful than not inviting them because you don't know what to say to us. </div>
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We are a different breed. We lost a child. It is a difficult situation. I know you don't know what to say, I understand. I was that way once, too. I didn't know what to say to people who lost children. It's a fine line. But let me tell you, we aren't contagious. You aren't going to lose your children because you speak to us, invite us to normal things, or even be around us. </div>
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You can say things to us and not bring up our loss. We don't necessarily want to talk about losing our baby all the time. I know I don't. I want to remember Emery (and honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her), I want to share her story, and I want to share how it brought me so strong in my faith. I want to share HER! But I can't talk about her a lot without crying, not yet anyway. So, I want be Debbie Downer around you. I don't just sit and cry at functions or sit and talk about her nonstop to make people feel sorry for me. </div>
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Another thing - don't and I repeat do NOT tell me to get over it. I will never be ok. I probably won't ever be "better." I will go on with my life. I have to and I have to be strong for my kiddos. BUT... I won't be better. I will forever be changed because of Emery. I still struggle being around babies, even if you think I don't. I am happy for you and I love loving on them. I always will.... but don't think it doesn't make me think of what I'm missing. Don't for one second think it doesn't make me think of her and what she should look like right now. And don't for one second think "She's better." I am NOT over losing Emery, and if I live until I'm 100 I won't be over it. </div>
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I will and am going on with my life. I am happy most days. I smile and I laugh. I joke with my family. But there's someone missing from my family and my heart aches for her in a way I can't even describe to you. </div>
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I want you to know just because you're around me doesn't mean I'm going to ruin your JOY but you can sure ruin what little I have by excluding me because you think losing a baby has sucked the life out of me and you just don't know what to say to me. </div>
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So, I will say it again... I am not contagious. I'm not going to make you depressed, I'm not going to rub off on you and make you feel like you'll lose your precious child (I don't wish that upon anyone... it's a pain that no one can express.), and I won't steal your JOY because you're happy and you think I'm not. </div>
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Remember that when you're speaking to those who have lost children... we hurt! We are sad. And we will always miss our sweet babies. They're supposed to be here. So, if I live until I'm 100... Emery will forever be a part of me and I will miss her and wish she was here until the day I die and am reunited with her again in Heaven. But until then.... my life must go on. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-49697785408558777682016-06-05T15:46:00.002-05:002016-06-05T15:46:26.287-05:00Click For Hope<div style="text-align: center;">
Last week #ClickforHope shared my <a href="http://www.clickforhope.net/blog/2016/6/2/clickforhope-skye-story">story</a>. </div>
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I wanted to share it here for you to all to read it. </div>
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I was so honored to be a part of #clickforhope stories. </div>
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Read some of the other stories on Click For Hope website. It is pretty spectacular to see how God works in all the stories. Every one's story is different and I pray mine impacts and helps those who need it most. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-48167385314421647752016-06-02T21:34:00.000-05:002016-06-02T21:34:41.046-05:00Memorial Day <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Memorial Day weekend was the first official weekend of summer (even though school let out last week). </div>
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Our pool opened, so we stayed by our pool all day every single day of the weekend. </div>
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It was enjoyable. </div>
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On Saturday, MiMi and Pa Mark came to spend the weekend with us. We enjoyed their company poolside. </div>
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Makenzi, every year, gets her Pa Mark to hold her up on his shoulders and let her stand. She works on her balance. The first of the year is always a struggle but by the end of the summer, she's a master. She was getting pretty good over the weekend. She does better if she doesn't have a big audience because when she starts smiling or laughing, she immediately falls. </div>
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Pa Mark is always the fun one in the pool. It's too cold for me at the first of the year but it doesn't stop them. Pa Mark is just brave. (However, on Sunday and Monday I believe we all found our way in the pool because it was just too hot not to be in the pool. </div>
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Sunday night after the afternoon at the pool, the girls went with MiMi and Pa Mark to get ice cream while Jordan & I went downtown to hang out with one of his good friends and his girlfriend. We all enjoyed our time. </div>
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I loved being able to be downtown with Jordan and being able to be with him the whole time and not just there to watch him. Don't get me wrong I love watching him play, too but to just be together is nice. We laughed and just enjoyed being together. </div>
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Monday morning Makenzi & Pa Mark made us something special for breakfast. The two of them are always in the kitchen in the mornings while every one else is asleep and they are preparing a good breakfast for us. This morning they prepared mini blueberry muffins for us out of Makenzi's princess cookbook KK got her for Christmas (or a birthday, or something). They were delicious. </div>
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Then it was a day spent at the pool with family and friends, and a cook out with Ryne and his girlfriend at his house (He's become an extended part of our family who is always with us)</div>
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We really enjoyed our long weekend with family and friends. It was much needed and just a good weekend. </div>
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And all of that busyness is why I've been missing in action this weekend.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-23085698572313299602016-06-02T17:22:00.002-05:002016-06-02T17:22:51.859-05:00When God Speaks To you Through Country Songs <div style="text-align: center;">
Last week I downloaded Dierks Bentley's new album. </div>
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I love all of his new music lately. </div>
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I heard this song on the radio before the album released and listened to it on repeat until the album released. </div>
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And not much has changed. I love the album... I have listened to it nonstop since I bought it but I still can listen to "Different for Girls" on repeat. </div>
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I am not going through what the song talks about but still a heart break nonetheless. Jordan & I both cope completely different ways. </div>
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We are different but we are there for one another. </div>
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But we talked about how this song even speaks true to what we are experiencing. It is different for girls when they lose someone (especially a Mama losing a baby), than it is for boys. </div>
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I can just listen to this song over and over again and it speaks to me in a completely different way. </div>
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God speaks to me through country songs sometimes. And it truly makes me realize He is always there and always on time when I need Him. He shows me things will be OK and it's ok if I deal with things differently because it's ALLOWED. I never thought I would hear Him so clearly in a country song, but I sure did. (And it's one that really isn't exactly what I'm going through but can so relate to).</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-76812515175115797142016-05-28T15:47:00.003-05:002016-05-28T15:47:30.979-05:00Broken Hearts <div style="text-align: center;">
I wasn't really planning on posting today. I had planned to spend the day next to the pool with my sweet girls. </div>
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We are still out by the pool but I am working on some school work (yes, I am trying to complete my Masters degree in all the madness that is my life), and working on some blog posts. </div>
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I have some big dreams and ambitions lately. I'm spending a lot of time in prayer over them. </div>
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However, this week my broken heart has been playing the biggest part of my life. </div>
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I have missed Emery more this week than most. </div>
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I think it has set in that I'm supposed to have her at home with us and this was supposed to be such a fun summer (don't get me wrong it is going to be a great summer but...) and I was supposed to be sitting out beside the pool watching my girls play in the water while my sweet Emery napped beside me in the stroller. </div>
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Funny how my plans are so different than God's. I've learned now, one of the hardest ways possible, that God's plans are never ours. Yes, sometimes they line up and other times it's completely different. His plans for this time in my life was all His, not mine. I could give you every detail of the plan I planned out in my mind. </div>
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I could give you the details of how I couldn't wait to be a family of 5. My plans, not even my husband's until I convinced him that I definitely need one more baby. He obliged. And we both wound up with broken hearts.</div>
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I'm telling you I've learned so much in losing Emery. I've, also, learned that grief is so crazy. I can be completely ok one day (of course, I think of her, and of course I miss her but I am ok) and then the next day I am a blubbering mess. I try not to have breakdowns around Jordan or my girls. Yet, I have them. </div>
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Sometimes I just feel like my world is falling apart. This week I've done so much and felt like I just kept myself busy because my heart was so broken. I want to be cuddling Emery. I want to be sitting there watching her sleep or listening to her coo. Yet, I am grieving her and visiting her in a cemetery. </div>
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Life is so different now than I planned it. </div>
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I'm trying to deal with it. Some days I think I deal with it better than others. </div>
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I am so thankful for my sweet girls I have here on this earth. I am so thankful they are here with me and I am so thankful they can bring laughter and smiles on rough days. </div>
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I am thankful for pool days and summer time to have them both home all day. I am thankful that I am still able to stay home with them. I am thankful for Jordan working, so I can do just that and stay home with them during this difficult time. I know he has hard days and he keeps going to provide for us. </div>
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I don't wish this on anyone. I just pray I can continue to share my Emery's story. I pray the Lord will continue to allow me to give Him all the glory and share my faith and Emery's story in this hard time. </div>
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2016 hasn't been our best year yet, but I'm hoping it will start looking up (we are halfway though the year) but surely to goodness with summer here, we can make it good. I am hopeful. </div>
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I want to ask you to continue to pray for our family. It's been so difficult. </div>
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For now I am going to continue listening to the laughter coming from my girls in the pool... and listening to them play family being attacked by sharks (in the pool) with an escape plan. Never a dull moment in my life around here with my girls. Once again so thankful for them! God knew what He was doing when he blessed me with my precious girls!!! (all 3 of them)</div>
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<i>Matthew 18:5 "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and be drowned in the depth of the sea." </i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-75386465451653384292016-05-26T19:09:00.001-05:002016-05-26T19:09:31.820-05:00<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/14784587/?claim=cca98feuhs2">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-67831597347357924032016-05-26T18:59:00.002-05:002016-05-26T18:59:24.840-05:00Thursday Confessions <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am linking up with <a href="http://www.balancingbyfaith.com/">Leigh</a> at Balancing by Faith to share some Thursday confessions. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>1. I bought a watermelon today.... hoping for it to be seedless (it was in the seedless bin) and it was full of seeds. </b></span></div>
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Can I just go ahead and say I am too lazy to pick out all the seeds? Therefore, I sliced it all up and put in a gallon size ziplock hoping my kiddos still eat it up. So far so good! </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>2. I have a friend on Facebook who has been sharing her baby's one year birthday. She was a preemie just like Emery. She posted last night the first time she was able to hold her baby girl was at 23 days old. You guys I immediately started crying. </b></span></div>
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I am happy for my friend and her baby. She's alive and thriving. She's beautiful and precious. </div>
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But 23 days is permanently etched in my brain as a bad day for me. 23 days was the first time I was ever able to hold my sweet Emery, too... and it was the last and final day I was able to hold her. I held her until she took her final breaths. Oh I miss that baby girl so much! </div>
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So, when I saw that my friend was able to hold her baby at 23 days old, too... and she was sharing a happy milestone but mine isn't so happy. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>3. I washed our car today... and it was almost embarrassing how dirty it was. And guess what? NOW it is pouring down the rain!!! I kid you not. I got the car washed and the rain poured! </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>4. I got the most disturbing comment in my comment moderation last night. It has made me completely question my little blog in blog-land. (It's so inappropriate I am not even going to post the screen shot I sent my friend). </b></span></div>
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I am looking into all kinds of things now to protect my blog and my kiddos. </div>
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I don't want to close my blog. I had started this blog to share my journey with losing Emery. I was hoping it could help others that have or are going through the same thing we are as a family. I want to share her story. I want to share our faith through our journey. </div>
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But when you get comments like the one I got last night, it makes you question everything. Am I doing the right thing sharing my story?! I want to continue giving God all the glory but I know He covered His face last night when He saw that comment. It was awful! </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>5. I am totally enjoying our summer schedule! Maybe a little too much... I believe it was 3PM before I even took a shower and got myself ready today. Don't judge. </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>6. And... our lawn care people showed up this morning to trim hedges right outside our windows! Let me tell you... it ruined my morning snooze. Makenzi & I were ready to open up the curtains and tell them to go away! </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>7. We are <strike>patiently</strike> impatiently waiting on our complex to open up our pool. Come on weekend! We are ready! </b></span></div>
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These are my confessions for the day! I have a whole list of confessions that I could probably keep on going... it's been a week! I'm in a total funk and I need to get a lot off my chest, however, I think I should call it a day. </div>
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Tomorrow I hope to share some of my favorite moments of the week - which includes our trip to the splash fountains downtown and the random kiddos that always seem to flock to me. (It's a trait I think I gained when I married Jordan... and now it doesn't matter where we go the crazies come out and find us... and share life stories and want to sit right next to us in a room full of empty chairs). </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-50621233797270784102016-05-25T18:00:00.000-05:002016-05-25T18:00:01.157-05:00What's Up Wednesday <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gudRLZnDotU/V0YdDv2qwrI/AAAAAAAAHlo/_ApTtsjD1S81cOS7Q9guZL9D3ZLL87-iQCLcB/s1600/whatsupwed1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gudRLZnDotU/V0YdDv2qwrI/AAAAAAAAHlo/_ApTtsjD1S81cOS7Q9guZL9D3ZLL87-iQCLcB/s320/whatsupwed1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Today I'm linking up with <a href="http://www.shullfamily.blogspot.com/">Shay</a> over at Mix and Match Mama for What's Up Wednesday. </div>
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It's been a crazy few days. We are enjoying the busyness, yet laid-back summer schedule. (Does that make any sense? Because somehow it does in my mind.) </div>
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<b><span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">1. What we're eating this week.... </span></b></div>
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Well, we have ate out all week but tonight I'm cooking - </div>
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Monday we had <a href="http://www.corisdoghouse.com/">Cori's Doghouse</a> (I feel like I should run a marathon just to burn the calories from that HUGE Tennessee Dog I had) **Cori's Doghouse is a local place here in Tennessee and we love it (well, my husband and I do... my kids aren't huge fans) </div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1wC6JXDktT0/V0YeOGcJgBI/AAAAAAAAHlw/gB4_PYT6rOo1SU4bdNwjDRMWbTmMn3dHgCLcB/s1600/Cori%2527s.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="144" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1wC6JXDktT0/V0YeOGcJgBI/AAAAAAAAHlw/gB4_PYT6rOo1SU4bdNwjDRMWbTmMn3dHgCLcB/s320/Cori%2527s.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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Tuesday - we had Bonfire - another local Japanese restaurant which we frequent a lot. It had been a while since we went there, so last night my oldest suggested to her Daddy that we have Bonfire for supper... so off we went. </div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NqsS20neZJA/V0Yec4cAkWI/AAAAAAAAHl0/80TWDvF9tt0YXsaRGP_tcLCmuBISPVWBwCLcB/s1600/11050737_508802199258584_9149320834820145675_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NqsS20neZJA/V0Yec4cAkWI/AAAAAAAAHl0/80TWDvF9tt0YXsaRGP_tcLCmuBISPVWBwCLcB/s320/11050737_508802199258584_9149320834820145675_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Tonight I am making one of the girl's favorite dishes - baked pork chops in herb and butter rice. It's a recipe that I kind of threw together one night and has been a staple ever since. </div>
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The rest of the week is up for grabs. Who knows what I'll come up with. We are a kind of fly by the seat of our pants family in the summer time. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>2. What I'm reminiscing about...</b></span></div>
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We've been talking a lot about when the girls were babies. They love hearing stories about themselves as babies. </div>
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We've talked about how I took the girls pacifiers away from them right at a certain age. (Both lost their pacis (or as Addison called them "pappy's") around the age 2. But I told them if their baby sister would have lived I probably would have left her take hers to college with her if she wanted. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>3. What I'm Loving... </b></span></div>
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I'm loving spending my days with my girls. It's SUMMER! And we are enjoying every minute. </div>
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When I lost Emery in February, I couldn't wait for summer. I didn't want to be away from my girls. If I could've legally taken Makenzi out of school for the year, I would have right then. </div>
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We are loving spending our days together, sunshine, fun, and no schedules. Late nights, no bedtime, just being together. </div>
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Daddy loves it as much as we do because when he gets home we don't have to immediately do bedtime. We can do whatever.</div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>4. What we've been up to... </b></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jqj_gnmqcTI/V0Yle1GwXSI/AAAAAAAAHmo/jVYjI6uHX2MXZSMBVcOXzoSkayVoyHf-gCLcB/s1600/13266091_10100715165460008_8106087111477665524_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jqj_gnmqcTI/V0Yle1GwXSI/AAAAAAAAHmo/jVYjI6uHX2MXZSMBVcOXzoSkayVoyHf-gCLcB/s320/13266091_10100715165460008_8106087111477665524_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Yesterday we went with Jordan and dropped him off at work, then headed to the Bicentennial Mall State Park to the fountains. The girls splashed their little hearts out - for FOUR hours! When they finished splashing, we went back to see Jordan sing a couple of songs before going home. I love being able to take the girls to fun things downtown. Nashville is amazing!!! I am so blessed to call this town home (even if we live on the outskirts of Nashville). </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>5. What I'm dreading... </b></span></div>
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The heat and humidity that comes with the summer... </div>
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and being at the pool with Addison, when Makenzi & me want to be there and if it isn't a perfect 72 degrees she wants to be INDOORS! </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>6. What I'm Excited About... </b></span></div>
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Spending my summer days beside our pool... </div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qMnS-Jblocw/V0Ymh8Ae06I/AAAAAAAAHmw/6LrgbISX4xggJ9iAmbx-dP_AinJZm53uQCLcB/s1600/IMG_1730.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qMnS-Jblocw/V0Ymh8Ae06I/AAAAAAAAHmw/6LrgbISX4xggJ9iAmbx-dP_AinJZm53uQCLcB/s320/IMG_1730.PNG" width="180" /></a></div>
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I am hoping my sweet Addison starts learning to swim like Makenzi this year. But she informed me today that she doesn't think she's going to. She said "I think I will learn when I'm Sissy's age (which is 8 years old). </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>8. What I'm watching/reading..</b></span></div>
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I am reading <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bare-Bones-Lonely-Youre-Reading/dp/0062417347/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464216217&sr=8-1&keywords=bare+bones">Bobby Bones - Bare Bones</a>. </div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4xOnDXExWA/V0Yq5jhaftI/AAAAAAAAHm8/aTWi2571MMchchUbaA9y8fkeplYz45V7wCLcB/s1600/161168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4xOnDXExWA/V0Yq5jhaftI/AAAAAAAAHm8/aTWi2571MMchchUbaA9y8fkeplYz45V7wCLcB/s320/161168.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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And <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Chasing-God-Angie-Smith/dp/1433676613/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464216307&sr=8-1&keywords=chasing+God">Chasing God</a> by Angie Smith. </div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbG6EBAyZMM/V0YrOPkBwwI/AAAAAAAAHnA/FS_aC_QvlNQ8hmk40xE48LLyHD2s4TLswCLcB/s1600/18113512.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbG6EBAyZMM/V0YrOPkBwwI/AAAAAAAAHnA/FS_aC_QvlNQ8hmk40xE48LLyHD2s4TLswCLcB/s320/18113512.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>
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And I'm watching... </div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r5PC54Gw2_Q/V0YrgUt8WTI/AAAAAAAAHnI/0OZdGDlg2MEl78IcmiJjxiN1vkWpV_IqwCLcB/s1600/jojo-fletcher-zoom-91a40df3-b710-4638-bae6-dfc58e7a8b71.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r5PC54Gw2_Q/V0YrgUt8WTI/AAAAAAAAHnI/0OZdGDlg2MEl78IcmiJjxiN1vkWpV_IqwCLcB/s320/jojo-fletcher-zoom-91a40df3-b710-4638-bae6-dfc58e7a8b71.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The craziness that is the Bachelorette. And following along with <a href="http://sheaffertoldmeto.com/">Sheaffer</a> on her Bachelorette recaps that make me laugh out loud every single week. </div>
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And the series finale of Nashville which premiers tonight... and I've heard it will leave us with a BIG cliffhanger. So, here is to hoping it will get picked up by someone else. (Even though I was pretty much done with Nashville, if they leave us with a Cliffhanger I will follow it if it goes to another network)</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dzOWSHXIThA/V0YsQOALYeI/AAAAAAAAHnU/RZTmZXK3kPwdog2cQTeyYPp3rS9Ukz8TQCLcB/s1600/MV5BMjA2NTE0NzkyMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjAwMzg5NjE%2540._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dzOWSHXIThA/V0YsQOALYeI/AAAAAAAAHnU/RZTmZXK3kPwdog2cQTeyYPp3rS9Ukz8TQCLcB/s320/MV5BMjA2NTE0NzkyMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjAwMzg5NjE%2540._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg" width="216" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>9. What I'm Listening To... </b></span></div>
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At this very moment... Disney channel is on while my girls rest. </div>
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And the dryer is tumbling clothes. </div>
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AHH... the relaxation that comes with the end of the day. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>10. What I'm Wearing... </b></span></div>
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It is summer time... </div>
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I'm wearing a lot of soft comfortable clothes - t-shirts and shorts, tanks and shorts. </div>
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And lots of maxi dresses. </div>
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easy summer style. </div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>11. What I'm Doing this weekend... </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">A lot of nothing... spending the time poolside, and outdoors. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Enjoying my family! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">(Well, come Sunday - Monday when Jordan is off work.) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>12. What I'm Looking Forward to Next Month... </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">You guys I am going to be honest.. I am not really looking forward to anything. I don't even know what my plan is for tomorrow... so I don't know what we will do next month. We will still be in summer mode and enjoying summer. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I know I am dreading another month without Emery - another anniversary of her being gone, another anniversary of a month birthday she should be celebrating, etc. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I guess... I don't look forward to months. I am trying more now than ever to just be present for the moment of every day for my girls. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>13. What is New...</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Not a whole lot around here... </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">It's summer and we are in the summer schedule - so new this week is no alarms, no schedule, and no bedtimes. Love this time of year (for that reason only)... </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><b>14. What am I looking forward to this summer... </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Spending the days outside by our pool or downtown at the splash pad... and a lot of family time! I am so excited. I've been excited for weeks now! </span></div>
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That's what's up this Wednesday! </div>
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Yesterday - there was a gorgeous pink sunset after we left from dinner. I had a wonderful day and when I looked out and saw the beautiful sight of the sunset I smiled. I know my sweet girl was telling me it's ok to have a good day and that she is ok. (She shows up on my bad days, too) But I know yesterday she was showing up to tell me, "Mama, it's ok for you to have a good day and enjoy being with my sisters." God knows what I need when I need it, ALWAYS! </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-10150380962110019252016-05-20T14:40:00.001-05:002016-05-20T14:40:53.556-05:00Goodbye, 2nd Grade <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Another year has come and gone... Just like that! </div>
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Makenzi Grace McCants just completed 2nd grade today. </div>
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She had awards day the other day and came out with Honor Roll (all A's and B's) for the entire year - with 2 semesters having Principals List (all A's on her report card). She has done amazingly well considering our circumstances. I told her how proud I was of her. She has gone through more than most adults have to go through at 7 & 8 years old and still kept her grades up. </div>
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We laughed as I came to take a picture of her after her awards because they had misspelled her name. She's only gone to the same school for 4 years. So, she investigated it and then she covered up the "e" in her name and we took another picture. I love how it shows her personality. She is so full of life. She is so happy. She makes this Mama smile so much. </div>
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She had two teachers this year for a team teaching class. One of her teachers wasn't there but Mrs. Murphy was on this day. Mrs. Murphy even commented on how much she had grown over the school year. She has grown leaps and bounds through the year. I need her to slow down just a little. </div>
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And of course - we had to take a sister picture! These two are the BEST of friends!!! The best of friends! Addison is as excited as Makenzi that school is out for the summer. I can't wait to spend my days with these girls! Summer is for sure our favorite time of year. </div>
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And today - on the last day of school I took a picture to do a comparison from the beginning of the year! OH MY! Look at my baby... she's grown so much! And notice the hairstyle - Makenzi Grace has one hairstyle only - it's a PONYTAIL. I never want to forget this ponytail face... and the beautiful fresh face she has at 7am as we head to school. </div>
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With it being the last day of school, I decided it would be fun to pick her up early since they can't really say anything about it now - on the last day of school. When she got to the front office, she ran and jumped in my arms and said "It IS SUMMER!!!!" So, it's official School is out for the SUMMER and we are three happy girls! It's time for pool days, late night, and no alarms! We are ready! </div>
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Makenzi Grace, this year has been a crazy year! I am so proud of how you handled it! You handled it with such grace. You handled changing classes right at the beginning of school, you handled Mama getting pregnant, Mama being in and out of the hospital, having a very sick baby sister, and losing your baby sister. All of these things are hard for even your Mama to handle, but you have been strong. You have shed tears and we have held each other up. But at the end of the day we are smiling. I am so excited for our summer together! I can't wait to spend all day every day with you and your sister! I can't believe when you start back school you will be in the 3rd grade. It's not possible. But, I am praying you have a great summer and next year is much less eventful for you! You got this sweet girl! I love you more than I can ever even really tell you! Love, Mama </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5015629893231016408.post-91790716063407158852016-05-19T13:56:00.002-05:002016-05-19T13:56:28.987-05:00Click For Hope <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I had the opportunity to share my story and have professional photos made this week. </div>
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<a href="http://www.clickforhope.net/">#Clickforhope</a> shares inspiring stories of all different things. I was so excited to share my story of my sweet Emery and my faithfulness in the Lord through it all. In sharing our story, we were offered a free photo shoot. </div>
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The girl who runs <a href="http://www.clickforhope.net/">#Clickforhope</a> asked me if I would like to have anyone in the pictures with me. I decided it was the perfect opportunity for me to have family pictures made. </div>
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My girls looked beautiful. I put them in their mint Easter dresses, that are lacy and free. They looked precious. I did each of their hair just like they wanted it - Addison wanted hers curled and Makenzi wanted hers in a side ponytail with a braid. She got some beautiful shots of the girls. I can't wait to see the end results. </div>
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We drove to this beautiful park in Franklin, TN - <a href="http://www.franklin-gov.com/government/parks/facilities-and-parks/park-locations-maps/park-locations/the-park-at-harlinsdale-farm">The Park at Harlinsdale Farm</a>. It was gorgeous. When we pulled into it, I knew we were in a perfect setting. </div>
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She snapped shots of the girls, some of the girls and me, some of the girls and Jordan, some of us as a family, some of Jordan and me, and some of just me. Then... she wanted to snap pics of my bracelets that had all my girls names on it and a butterfly. She snapped one of just my hand with the bracelets and then a few of Jordan and me holding hands where you could see the bracelets. I can't wait to share these pics with you guys. It will be something special and something I will treasure forever. </div>
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I will share with you the link when she posts my story on her blog. I want to share my story and share my Emery forever. I want to be there for people who are going through the same things I am. I want to bring people to love the Lord through my sweet girl. I fully trust in Him that He sent her for a specific purpose and she fulfilled it while she was here but now it's my job to continue what she did while she was here - bring people to the Lord, and bring people to their knees in prayer!</div>
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