Losing a Child

Last week, Jordan and I were able to have a kid free week. We normally get about one week a summer to ourselves. We fully enjoy this time. I am able to go with him to work (one of the perks of him being a musician), so we are never apart. We get to spend all of our time together. 

While I was there, I experienced something I didn't think I'd ever experience. I had someone tell me "You know there's many ways to losing a child." 

Mind you - this person hasn't lost a child. The child is simply away at college - not at home anymore. I guess you can say an empty nest syndrome. 

Let me tell you something - there is NO comparison to a child going off to college to losing a child like I have my Emery. 

I can't pick up the phone and call her to hear her voice. I can't go visit her whenever I want or ever see her again on this Earth. I don't get to buy her anything... but flowers for her headstone. I don't ever get to experience her growing up and even going to college. I miss every single thing about being a parent to my baby girl. 

Yes, I still have my other two at home... and for that I am oh so thankful. Will I miss them when they move away to college or get married or move out? Absolutely! Will the emptiness I feel when they leave compare to the emptiness I feel losing Emery? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! 

There is no comparison to that! 

This is just another thing to add to my growing list of things not to say to a grieving mother. 

I pray this person never really has to experience the complete loss of a child, if they truly feel a child moving off to college is even close to losing a child. 

It just shows you that people who haven't experienced losing a child, really do not have a clue. Some people can be really sympathetic and say comforting things, and some people can just be flat out stupid (sorry, but there's just no other word for that). You don't say something like that to a mother who buried their child .... in a cemetery... in a spot in the cemetery especially for small children/babies. 

It hurts me to think people can be so rude. That people can be that ignorant to even think that is a close to a comparison. 

I long to hold my Emery, I long to rock her, nurture her, watch her grow, see her smile, hear her voice, hear her cry, kiss her booboos, kiss her sweet face, rub her soft black hair (and see if it would change to blonde like her sisters' did), look into those BIG eyes (and secretly hope they turned green like mine). But I don't get to see those things... I won't get to see her again until I'm in heaven with her. I know that day will be a glorious day I can only dream about (and even then it won't compare to the greatness of heaven). But to those of you who think losing a child just means them moving away... you are far mistaken! You can call your child, you can visit your child, you can watch them grow and mature, move away and get married, get jobs, etc. I can't do those things. 

It was something that's been weighing on me.... and I needed to just write it out. Emery is missed far more than she will ever even know (because who would miss this cruel nasty world in heaven). I can't wait until the day I can join her... and love her for all of eternity. 

Until then... don't ever compare losing a child to something as much as a child growing up and moving away. There is no comparison.