I've Got So Much To Say

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you know this summer has been no walk in the park for my family and me. 

We have lost so many close relatives. 

A few of those have brought me to my knees in tears. 

Jordan's Gramma was the first in June... She was such an amazing lady. She loved me like I was hers (and I guess after 9 years I was). Jordan had told me the whole time we've been together how hard it would be when he lost his Gramma and Pop and he took it very hard when she was gone. I held him and let him cry. 

She was absolutely gorgeous. She was a woman that would do anything for anyone. She would give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it. She has helped everyone she could for years. She has helped Jordan and me more times than I can even imagine. I loved hearing stories of her at her funeral. She was a special lady and oh my, she will be missed!!! 

We've experienced so much. Our hearts are so broken. I heard the other day "it's like a jigsaw puzzle that's been torn all apart," in a song... and that fits perfectly right now. 

3 weeks from when Gramma passed away, I received a phone call from my cousin in the middle of night... my Grandaddy has just died. Gramma and my Grandaddy passed away much the same way... they felt bad and then within an hour they were gone. When I got that phone call, I broke down. I cried my eyes out and today (he's been gone since Sunday, I am still crying at the drop of a hat). He's the one man I really thought would just live forever and take care of me. I thought he would be there to answer all my questions for all the days of my life. I don't know how to live without him or my Nanny. I am lucky to still have my Nanny but now the reality has set in that I don't get to keep them forever and I will eventually have to tell her goodbye, too... and it's killing me. 

I don't think anyone really realized how close I was to my Nanny and Grandaddy unless you were really close to me. I talked to them every single day. I called them every day when I would go pick Makenzi up from school. I called them when I would head out of town, so they knew where I was and when I was on the road. I called them when I needed to vent or to cry. I called them when something exciting happened. I called them when something devastating happened. I called them multiple times a day when Emery was alive to keep them updated because my Grandaddy couldn't fall asleep at night until he heard how Emery was. They are my world. I don't know how to go on without him... but I know I have to. 

I spent so many summers at their house and I miss those times. I've let my girls experience it some. We've spent Spring breaks there and summer times. I feel sure we aren't going to stop now... we will continue to go see my Nanny. 

We drove them mad. But I know they wouldn't have had it any other way than to have us all under their roof. My Grandaddy was always firm with us (well, except me... you can ask the boys). But... he never once spanked any of us, even the boys, and they were rough sometimes. He told us stories about being in the army, he told us stories about fishing and took us fishing and out on the water, he always had the biggest garden I'd ever seen and worked his summers away in them, he had the most immaculate yard you could think of because that's where he loved to be, he was a John Deere man and that's all he had (he even sold John Deere at his shop for many years), he took care of us all. My Nanny and him spent a week with me after I had Makenzi and Addison to help take care of me and my girls (and spoil my girls). He was right where he wanted to be. 

I told everyone I was his favorite. I said it jokingly but I know in his eyes, I could do no wrong and he loved me immensely (he loved the boys, too but I was the only granddaughter). He took care of me. So many at his funeral would come up to me and say "you were his pride and joy", "he talked about you all the time," "you were his favorite, and I know so because he told me one time," "Skye was always in conversations even if we hadn't been talking about you, you were going to come up somehow, someway." That man was my rock. I knew I could count on him for anything. 

I don't think I can really express how much I miss him already. I want to call my Nanny right now and hear him mumbling in the background. I want to just hug him or feel him tickle my foot as he walked past me with his long fingernails and rough, working man hands or hear him say "when you coming to see me?" 

I know for sure he's with my baby Emery and taking care of her for me until I get there. He's holding her just like he did me. She's got the place as his favorite right now. But I'll be there one day... to be with them. 

You guys, we have had the roughest 6 months ever. We have lost a total of 5 relatives... We lost our Emery Hope, Jordan's Aunt Gail, Jordan's Gramma, Pa Mark's daddy, and my Grandaddy. Our hearts are so heavy. They are so shattered. We need the prayers to get through these rough times. 

I have a few stories to share with you guys - and I hope I can get some blogging done this week and share my heart on some things that have happened lately, but today I had to share my heart a few days after losing the man I thought would live forever. 

Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers - we need them. Please keep Jordan's Pop, Mark's Mama, and my sweet Nanny in your prayers as they learn to live without their spouses of over 60 years. They need comfort like no other. 

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22 

"God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause His face to shine upon us." Pslam 67:1